I just didn't think [hypnosis] worked, or would work on me. I didn't understand how close it was to meditation, and I hated meditation… So we were off to a bad start ! But positive thinking was appealing to me, so I decided to try it out.
I just needed to get my anxiety levels to drop down. My depression was getting worse again, and I wanted to find balance, because I could feel myself starting to become aggressive to my loved ones from the pain, and that was out of the question. I was also freaking out because I had no clue what I would be doing the next year… Or even what I wanted ! There is nothing more frightening than not even knowing your own mind. I help onto anything I could to find my path, which also, incidentally, made me hold onto the right things, and get the right result.
I am very bad at discipline, and I was amazed when I effortlessly didn't miss a single session on Periscope. The more I practised, the more I felt like my vision was clearing up. When I realised Grace Smith had taught me back something essential that I had forgotten : how to calm down! I felt so relieved, it was like a revelation. The calm, grounded energy I was looking for was mine at last. It gave me the possibility to look out for what I wanted, fearlessly, and as I was in the middle of an important decision-making time (aka. what do I do once I finish my bachelor's degree), I was in desperate need of this kind of support. I wanted to keep depression at bay to make sure my decision was mine and had nothing to do with my illness.
Now I'm off to a master's degree with a wonderful subject and teacher to guide me, I've created my own rescue group with a friend, I keep steadily trying to get my driving licence -everything I'm awfully bad at merged into a single activity- and I'm going to look for a summer job for the first time ever.
I'm not scared, I'm not sad, I'm not confused anymore. I can finally appreciate the present time, and look forward to living the future.
Thank you for teaching me, Grace Smith.